Dreams

Everybody has an untold story; They just need to find someone who will listen.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Sophomore.

First day of Highschool beneath the surface was pure hell.

You could say I have theee worst luck.


My alarm goes off. and i keep hitting snooze.
I had been dreading this day all summer long.
Not because school was starting.
no i can live with the school part.
It was because High School was starting.

I was a little dog.
In the big house.

I was hoping not to get beat up.


So my day starts off.
Of course I wake up with the worst cold.
and I'm late getting to school. which never puts a day off with a good start.
I find there are only 2 sophomores in my first class.
Joy.
No.
Then my second class was geometry.
and of course I screw up the class game, and don't know how to count backwards 2.
I had my friend in that class though, so it wasn't too bad.

Just as I was thinking oh highschool isn't too bad.
Of course 3rd period decides to change that thought.

I walk into english.
and see the girl that hates my absolute guts.
which is funny because i have never even talked to her.
but i hope we can be friends.
and she can realize im not the witch everyone says I am.
:)

dramamama.
so fun.
no.


Just as if the first day of school wasn't already awkward enough
they decide to make it picture day too.

So being the girl I am
I get my hair all perfect.
exactly how I want it for my picture.
I sit down to take my picture.
and the stupid lady comes up and fluffs my hair up
and moves it all around.

Oh good mother was I pissed.
and so she tells me to smile and i dont.
so she tells me to smile even bigger.
So I smile.

I am pretty sure my picture was horrible.
so dont even look in the yearbook.

please.

hahaha.

then of course I am on the top floor of the classes that have to stay in class for an extra 20 min and watch dumb videos while all my friends go to lunch.
hurray.

I finally get out to lunch to come to findout all my friends left.
so the looser I am.
I walk around alone.
I was starving so i get in line to eat lunch. and i just am confused.
So i gave up.
I walked out of the lunchroom
and went outside.
and sat by myself.

haha.
wow.
its ok you can call me a looser now.

Basically.
I didn't know where any girls bathrooms were located
so I felt like I was going to pee my pants half the day.
Its fine.
 People were nice.
but still.
I just hated the feeling I had.
all day long.
I hate going out of my comfort zone.
and being around people i dont know.
or that i know don't like me.
so therefore
I was not happy.
hopefully it will get better.
But My first day of highschool is going in the books as hell.

Excuse my french.
;)

Sooooo.
thats all.


<3



Sunday, August 5, 2012

that moment when you look at your life
from an outside perspective


and you realize how badly you've failed at all you do.

It sucks.
because you feel like you give everything your all.
but then you fail.
and nobody but you will understand how hard you worked.
how much you cared.
how badly you wanted to feel succesful.

but

from the outside you cant see all the tears that went into
all the battles.
trials.
&
fights.


and all the fear from things.
from an outsiders perspective
they don't know how many hours you put into something.

Society doesn't care how much heart and soul a person has.
how much time you put into something your passionate about.

no.

it only cares what the outcome looks like.

and it hurts to feel like my outcome is ugly.
what an ugly life.

The life i am living is black and white.
All the color has seeped through the cracks.

and to make everything all the more merrier
I am quite terrified to start highschool in 2 weeks.
Because that would mean socializing with people.
 and i find that i am not good at that.
So why yes,
infact i am screaming inside.
i am angry at myself.
because i wish i were a better person.
a person that everybody loved.
but no. i am fully aware that people hate me.
they make it quite clear.

so.

everyday i look in the mirror at the monster society created. and wonder. where did the happy fun loving melissa tucker
go.


it makes me sad to see i have screwed up.
but i am trying to fix things. and become a better.happier.friendlier.me.

I am going to try.
and pray that i will not fail.




-sorry if this post was a bit dramatic.
I just had to get some things out.
because if not
things eat away my insides.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

lately.


Im everything a well rounded girl should be.












but inside

i m s c r e a m i n g .