Dreams

Everybody has an untold story; They just need to find someone who will listen.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

darnit.

That darnit moment when you find yourself falling in love with your bestfriend.


And your heart breaks a little bit because he's perfect in all ways and you know it'd never work out.
I often find myself thinking 'I dont care'


Maybe I should care about my life.
But I just dont.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

feelings.

I don't know what's wrong with me.
i wish i did.
 
 
If you knew me in the seventh grade you probably wanted to smack me.
I was so loud.
and obnoxious.
but I was outgoing.
I got straight A's.
I went to every one of my classes
everyday
I talked to just about anyone.
I smiled everyday.
I laughed at
e v e r y  t h i n g
 
.
 
And here I am.
the tenth grade.
I wear all black to school,
and I don't smile.
I hate going to school,
if i go im late.
I have awfuuuuuuuul grades.
Im screaming on the inside.
I hate talking to people.
because I just feel like an idiot.
 
What happened to the outgoing happy innocent little girl?
 
Society got to her head.
 
and now she hates her self.
 
I've hurt everyone who loves me.
I have pushed everyone away.
Broke their heart.
and broke her own heart.
 
Everyday I get mad at myself.
because I want to be a happy person.
I go a couple days happy, thinking things are looking up.
telling myself to be happy.
But then I realize I'm not.
I want to be happy
but i dont know how.
I dont know what to do.
or anything anymore.
 
ah.
 
 I wish happiness came in a box.
I would order an endless supply.
and open 10 everyday,
and be the happiest person around.
because i like being happy.


But its not that easy.
you can't buy happiness.
you have to find it.
and i dont know where.
because everywhere ive looked
has let me down.

.

 
 


Thursday, November 15, 2012

heartless

It makes me sad to think
how bad one can hurt
from anothers actions.


You never realize
how bad
something you think
won't hurt so bad,
will hurt someone really hard.


I will no longer think of myself.
or my feelings
Because knowing I hurt someone else
hurts a million times more worse
than being hurt by someone.




I miss him.
more than words can even say.
 
but talking to him is out of the question.


Life seems as though it's just a blur.
 
 
Waking up in the mornings seems pointless.
I just want to sleep all the time.
Because it makes everything go away for a while.
 
and to think three months ago, I saw things falling apart.
I knew things were going to crash and burn.
but the saddest part is,
is that I let it.
 
and now,
I'm going to have to work on loving myself,
before I can even think about loving someone else again.
 
 
</3


Monday, October 22, 2012

They say a heartbreak changes people.
and i say their right.
 
 
 
If I could go back to
 
the hundreds of times we drove up and down Provo canyon.
The four wheel rides in the mountains.
Singing to you in your car.
Fighting about nothing.
Decadance runs.
Watching every chick flick ever made.
Talking with your family on Saturday nights.
Hating those late night goodbye's.
Looking over at you to find you were already looking at me.
Being myself. 100%.
Talking for hours and hours and hours.
Going to your family parties.
Eating fast food and sitting on your couch.
Reading goodmorning and goodnight texts.
 
I would.
 
 
 
 
Our ship crashed and burned.
After ten months.
Filled with
Laughter.
Love.
Hope.
Peace.
Happiness.
 
 
If you say heartbreak is ridiculous, stupid and not real;
You obviously have never experienced a true heartbreak.
Because honestly, I'd rather have a broken bone right now,than a broken heart.
 
I'm not the free spirit I used to be.
I am changed.
I can barely stand being social, because that means pretending I'm ok.
Forcing laughter and faking smiles.
I'm really not good at that.
I am going to be a lot more careful.
and I'm going to try to be better.
 
 


Sunday, September 16, 2012

 
It is the best when you realize he isn't just someone you like alot//
he's your bestfriend too.
 
We are just dorks together.
We laugh so hard.
I sing to him.
We go on drives up the canyon.
He tickles me to death.
We go on late night hot chocolate runs.
I go see the things he does for work.
and he watches me play the piano.
We drive for miles and miles and let the music play.
He always lets me plug my ipod on.
I have never once heard a word of complaint from him while I play my music.
from Taylor Swift
to Linkin Park
to Jason Aldean
to Imagine Dragons.
He will listen to it all.
I love it.
Him and my mom talk.
//she loves him//
We star gaze in 53 degree weather.
He laughs at my passenger seat driving.
and I laugh at his laugh.
We smear twinky on eachothers faces.
He never fails to get me home on time.
He listens to me.
He always lets me pick the movie;
he will sit through the notebook and not complain a word.
We go to parks and sit in the shade.
We go horseback riding.
We go camping.
He taught me how to shoot a gun.
He has me read my book, and just looks at me while I do.
//which makes it very hard to concentrate on the story//
He gave me a kitten.
We share secrets, hopes, and dreams.
We sing to Taylor Swift and laugh.
I smile alot now.
He texts me goodmorning and goodnight.
He lets me borrow his hoodies.
We talk for hours and hours.
He opens my car door and buckles me in.
We go on ice cream runs.
Anything I crave he makes sure I have.
He lets me decide what we do.
He sent me roses on valentines day.
We go fourwheeling.
He knows me better than anyone else.
//truly//
He stands up for me in any situation.
He is a true friend who has my back, and won't talk smack behind it.
vice versa.
We go school shopping together.
He waits patiently for me to try on 50 articles of clothing.
He's going to teach me how to drive stick.
He makes me feel beautiful in large T shirts.
We spend all day at car shows
and have gone on many other adventures.
He never fails to make me happy.
I smile everyday because of him.
 
:)
 


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

9/11

September 11, 2012.
 
Today came and I tried not to think hard about what today really was.
I wore a black dress to school, to honor all those who lost their lives.
I treated today just like any other day.
Well I tried to.
 
This day breaks my heart.
I find myself sick to my stomach when I stop and think about it.
It's not something we Americans can comprehend.
even still to this day.
 
I don't understand.
I can't even express how I feel.
I am just so angry.
and confused.
I dont know how a person could do that.
How could this happen to America.
 
...to think somebody had intentions to run into those buildings... and actually kill people... I just don't understand.
I just can't even think too much about it, because then I get angry.
It makes me want to throw up.
That takes a lot of gut.
Alot of hate... to do something like that..
I dont understand how a person could actually bring themself to do such a thing...
 
It just doesn't make sense in my head.
 
 
 
Here is a painting I found online reflecting 9/11.
For art I had to do some research and I just read a couple things about this artist that broke my heart.
He claims that he started a painting of the World Trade Centers
and he had all the red flames and smoke in it.
once he finished this painting, he took a look at it.
and then destroyed it.
He said he couldn't stomach the way it looked.
It made him angry to look at.
So he started another painting, which is the one above.
He made it kind of smeary and smudgy
because he didn't want to remember what the burning down trade centers looked like.
because that's not what we should dwell on.
When we look back on this horrible tragedy that occurred September 11, 2001
we should remember all those who lost their lives.
All those poor children who's daddy didn't come home from work that day...
 
We, as americans, should always treat this day with respect.
and remember all those who lost their lives.
My heart and prayers go out to anyone who was affected by this dreadful day.

Monday, September 10, 2012

d r e a m s

What If i told you we could get out of here?
Get out of here as in pack all your things, runaway with me and never look back.
 
We'd pack up your truck.
Drive for miles and miles.
I have no clue where we'd go, but as long as it's far from here I don't care where we end up.
 
I've got a piggy bank we could smash open and stay in a motel 6.
We would be as happy as a 6 year old in a candy store.
Nobody would have to know a thing.
I'd throw my cell phone out the window and watch it break into pieces in the rear veiw mirrior.
 
 
I'm sure after time people would begin to wonder about us.
Some would have suspected it
others may call us foolish
but some may be a tad jealous we got out of this broke down used up town.
 
 
-we would never look back-
Start a new life in some new town filled with new faces.
We would never have to worry about sunday dinners at the in laws or family get togethers.
 
We would definatley have a good story to tell.
no doubt.
 

and those we told our story to would either
admire us
or
think we are crazy.

 
So what do you say?
What if I told you we could get out of here.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Sophomore.

First day of Highschool beneath the surface was pure hell.

You could say I have theee worst luck.


My alarm goes off. and i keep hitting snooze.
I had been dreading this day all summer long.
Not because school was starting.
no i can live with the school part.
It was because High School was starting.

I was a little dog.
In the big house.

I was hoping not to get beat up.


So my day starts off.
Of course I wake up with the worst cold.
and I'm late getting to school. which never puts a day off with a good start.
I find there are only 2 sophomores in my first class.
Joy.
No.
Then my second class was geometry.
and of course I screw up the class game, and don't know how to count backwards 2.
I had my friend in that class though, so it wasn't too bad.

Just as I was thinking oh highschool isn't too bad.
Of course 3rd period decides to change that thought.

I walk into english.
and see the girl that hates my absolute guts.
which is funny because i have never even talked to her.
but i hope we can be friends.
and she can realize im not the witch everyone says I am.
:)

dramamama.
so fun.
no.


Just as if the first day of school wasn't already awkward enough
they decide to make it picture day too.

So being the girl I am
I get my hair all perfect.
exactly how I want it for my picture.
I sit down to take my picture.
and the stupid lady comes up and fluffs my hair up
and moves it all around.

Oh good mother was I pissed.
and so she tells me to smile and i dont.
so she tells me to smile even bigger.
So I smile.

I am pretty sure my picture was horrible.
so dont even look in the yearbook.

please.

hahaha.

then of course I am on the top floor of the classes that have to stay in class for an extra 20 min and watch dumb videos while all my friends go to lunch.
hurray.

I finally get out to lunch to come to findout all my friends left.
so the looser I am.
I walk around alone.
I was starving so i get in line to eat lunch. and i just am confused.
So i gave up.
I walked out of the lunchroom
and went outside.
and sat by myself.

haha.
wow.
its ok you can call me a looser now.

Basically.
I didn't know where any girls bathrooms were located
so I felt like I was going to pee my pants half the day.
Its fine.
 People were nice.
but still.
I just hated the feeling I had.
all day long.
I hate going out of my comfort zone.
and being around people i dont know.
or that i know don't like me.
so therefore
I was not happy.
hopefully it will get better.
But My first day of highschool is going in the books as hell.

Excuse my french.
;)

Sooooo.
thats all.


<3



Sunday, August 5, 2012

that moment when you look at your life
from an outside perspective


and you realize how badly you've failed at all you do.

It sucks.
because you feel like you give everything your all.
but then you fail.
and nobody but you will understand how hard you worked.
how much you cared.
how badly you wanted to feel succesful.

but

from the outside you cant see all the tears that went into
all the battles.
trials.
&
fights.


and all the fear from things.
from an outsiders perspective
they don't know how many hours you put into something.

Society doesn't care how much heart and soul a person has.
how much time you put into something your passionate about.

no.

it only cares what the outcome looks like.

and it hurts to feel like my outcome is ugly.
what an ugly life.

The life i am living is black and white.
All the color has seeped through the cracks.

and to make everything all the more merrier
I am quite terrified to start highschool in 2 weeks.
Because that would mean socializing with people.
 and i find that i am not good at that.
So why yes,
infact i am screaming inside.
i am angry at myself.
because i wish i were a better person.
a person that everybody loved.
but no. i am fully aware that people hate me.
they make it quite clear.

so.

everyday i look in the mirror at the monster society created. and wonder. where did the happy fun loving melissa tucker
go.


it makes me sad to see i have screwed up.
but i am trying to fix things. and become a better.happier.friendlier.me.

I am going to try.
and pray that i will not fail.




-sorry if this post was a bit dramatic.
I just had to get some things out.
because if not
things eat away my insides.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

lately.


Im everything a well rounded girl should be.












but inside

i m s c r e a m i n g .

Friday, July 6, 2012

Summer Days.

My summer days have consisted of
Waking up around 8:00 and working out.
In my opinion being fit gives a person confidence.
It makes them feel better about themself.
I love the burning feeling it brings.
And by 10:00 I am usually all ready for the day.
It's kind of nice because I've found that you feel better when you get your butt out of bed.
Weird how that works out.
I'm sorry but people who sleep in EVERY day bug me.
Every once in a while is fine.
But every day? yeah get out of bed and do something. Stupid teenagers.
Sleep is nice but eh.
I would rather wake up at 8 and then take a nap at 2 in the afternoon
then sleep in til 12. 0r 1.
But that is just my opinion. :)

I enjoy going up to city creek and buying pretty things.
I like to go to the local pool, because I honestly could care less about 7 Peaks.
I like to go to color me mine with my mother.
I go out to lunch often with my mother as well.
We have become great friends.
because well
I basically have fallen off the face of the earth.
Well not really but it feels that way.
I hangout with very few people.
And people I thought were my bestfriend's proved me wrong.
Oh don't you just love receiving voicemails of people saying nasty things about you... on "butt dial."
Yeah people get more and more fake every day.
Ive learned that
[A girl doesn't need anybody who doesn't need her]
{If someone wants you in their life they'll make an effort to keep you there}
(Sometimes you run away just to see who will chase you)
-Fake is the new trend. And everybody seems to be in style-
I wonder what goes through people's minds..
I don't understand how a person could just be flat out rude.
Especially to someone who was there when nobody else was?
Sometimes I wonder how they do it. How they can just be mean and act like they don't care.
I hope karma slaps them in the face.
This summer's been awfully rough.
As hurt as I am from backstabbers.
I've found myself recreating friendships with beautiful people,
and making new ones.
The two girls next door are excellent.
We watch hairspray and eat jelly beans til midnight.
Then I just walk home.
Its rather convienant. I don't need to worry about a ride home.
I go to the pool with my little sister and her friend.
Spending time with little girls as annoying as it is puts a smile on my face.

I also spend some days up in the cute little town of Heber.
That is a place where a very cute boy lives.
And the air up there just makes me feel so at ease and free.
There's nothing better than going to his family parties
and adoring his cute kittens.
-which infact he's going to give me one next week :) I am so happy for this.
It puts a smile on my face when I get dropped off and he smiles and says you can borrow my sweatshirt for a while :)
oh dear.
Why do some boys have to be so adorable and charming?
I might be in trouble here.

This summer my brother got married in the Logan Temple to his Sweetheart.
It was such an awesome day.
Their so in love it drives me nuts!
But it's also very cute.
I never knew my brother had a soft side.
weird.
Anyways;
I am going to take up a few projects to busy myself,
one which will be making a quilt.
We'll see how that goes.
I remodled my blog,
I adore summer.

I cannot wait for girls camp.
I just want to get out of here.
And away from all the stupid people.
I cannot wait for drivers ed in August.
I turn 16 in less then 3 months.
Im getting a car.
I cannot even share how excited I am for that.

Life is hard right now.
But I am trying to make the best out of everything.
Like my sister in law corrects me everytime I say "this sucks!"
She says "It will be character building"
Indeed it will.
As long as I keep telling myself that, it will be.

Hopefully July will be better than June was.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

untitled.

Things have been a little crazy.
And Ive been a little lazy.






I'll be back someday.
When I feel like it.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Summer Fever.

It's that point of the year where just about everything seems pointless.
The point when your alarm goes off at 6:30 am and you are just annoyed.
The point where you are tired of getting ready for school, so you just don't, because you could care less.
It's that time where you have to sit in a classroom, and look at the perfect weather outside, and you think you might just go insane.
That time of the year where you are sick of everybodies everyday crap, that you just want to scream.
It's that time where you don't really listen in class, because your daydreaming about being some where else.
The time to go buy a new swimsuit, and buy shorts.
The time when all you want to wear is flip flops and cut off jeans everyday, all the time.
You wish the next three weeks will fly by, and summer could stay forever.
You are now realizing that all of those cookies you ate last winter might of not been such a good idea, and your cramming in late night ab workouts to get that summer body.
It's the time where you just want to be outside, all the time, walking around in bare feet, and not have a care in the world.
The time when you just want to sleep in, and wake up to having breakfast at 2 in the afternoon.
It's that time of year when all you want to do is go to strawberry days, and other local carnivals.
You want to stay out late, sleep under the stars, and have sleepovers with friends.
It's that time of year when you know you have 2 more dreaful weeks of school; homework assignments and tests. And all you want to do is jump in a cold pool, or put on your shades and jam in your car with the windows down.
It's that time, when all you want, is Summer.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

These are a Few of my Favorite Things.


These are a few of my favorite things;

-Fish tail braids. They are quite lovely.
-Softball Jackets. I tend to wear my black VIKINGS jacket alot.
It happens to be the warmest article of clothing I own.
-Clock Necklaces. Like the one in the picture. Love.
-Combat boots. I still wear mine even though it's spring.
-Matt Kearny. His voice is soothing.
-Pandora. Who needs Itunes when you can get anything you'd like from Pandora!
-St. George. The sun down there is a beautiful thing.
-Striped Socks. I like them, they are cute.
-A Clean Room. I recently have become obsessed with keeping my room spotless.
-Pintrest. I finally gave in to getting one, oh what a lovely way to waste time.
-Softball. I crave the red dirt, being tired, and practice everyday.
-No school. Oh so nice. I hate school.
-The sun. I am happier when the sun is out.
-Playing the Piano. It's nice.
-One Direction. Yes, I am a One Directioner.
-Driving. Yes I said it. I am legal with my permit, and I love to scare my mom by driving.
-People who listen. If you listen to me, I cherish you.
-The blogging world. I may not post much, but I read alot.

The blogs in which I enjoy reading:

My sister, Nicole Tucker's. She is definatley a writer.

Kami Reiser. She won't fail at writing a blogpost you'll enjoy. I adore her.

India Severe. Her blog is just adorable. Her posts are so lovely.

Angela Bellitti. She is so inspirational. She won't fail to bring a smile to your face.

Tiffany Vincient. Her blog is fun!

Meg Livingston. The famous blog you all know of. It's just simply the cutest.

Sydney Bruning. Her blog is adorable(:

Daisy Torres. Her blog makes you feel at home. I love how warm it is!

Aubrey Herrera. She is such a lovely person whom I adore.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Marvelous March.

March is here, and so is the sun.
Pull out your capri's from the bottom of your drawers, or the back of your closet,
and wear them.
Paint your toes a bright pretty color and wear some sandals or flip flops.
60 Degree weather, I cannot complain.
Put away your boots, scarves, and pea coats, and hope that this weather is here to stay.

I am pretty sure this sunshine has gotten to me.
-No more black and white/blue blog-
I decided it was time to brighten things up a little.
So I have spent a fair amount of my sunday hours updating my blog.
Check out all my tabs, and side bars.
Most are new (:

The weather is beautiful, and so are you!
Happy sunday kids(:

Saturday, March 10, 2012

The Sport.

Everyday, I pull on some softball pants.
A Jershey or shirt.
Slide on black or blue socks.
Yank on my Black Nike cleats.
I have never worn the same type of clothing so much in my life.
I practically live in softball attire now.
I have made the Pleasant Grove Highschool Softball team.
As a Freshman.
Pure Joy.
Which means:
Practice.
Everyday.
Games.
Multiple times a week.
Vegas in April.
Tournaments.
My social life has went down the drain.
But I don't care.
Because I am doing something everyday that I love.
I am out on that feild,
improving something.
Everyday.
Softball Isn't just a sport.
It can change a person.
You busy yourself, so you don't have time to waste time.

I love the red dirt.
I love the sound cleats make when they hit the pavement.
I love the stupid bumps I get from tucking in my Jershey.
I love the sound the bat makes when it's contacted with a ball.
I love seeing a perfect slide to second base.
I love the anxiety I get when I have 2 strikes.
I love the swing of a bat.
I love the bad hair I have when I take my helmet off.
I love bruises I get from being nailed with the ball.
I love breaking my finger from catching.
I love feeling the lace of the ball on my fingers.
I love everything about the sport.
It is amazing.
Softball doesn't build character,
It reveals it.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Girls will be Girls.

Why yes.
I do infact have a playlist on my ipod thats called
"songs that remind me of [YOU]"
Every love song is in that playlist.
And yes,
That is infact
my
most
listened to playlist.





Stupid Boys.

Friday, January 27, 2012

A short message. -thoughts&&feelings.

This week, I have learned, that if you smile at the world
It will smile back.
If you wake up early for school, and actually take the time to get ready, and not be rushed,
you have a better/happier day.
I have learned that if you go to seminary with a smile on your face, and a good attitude,
you'll enjoy it, and you'll be happy to go back the next time.
If you practice your piano as your told to do so, it will be easy.
If you're nice to your parents,
they are nice to you.
If you eat healthy,
you feel healthy.
If you smile,
you feel like doing it more.
If you think happy.
You can be happy.

Do good.
Be good.
Feel good.

Life's to short for unhappiness.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Take one simple moment.

Take a walk in somebody else's shoes. You may think you know their story, but it's probably 110% different from what you see.
You never TRULY know someone until you've walked for miles in their shoes. So put on somebody else's shoes, and walk.
Take a moment to stop, and feel their pain.
Take a moment to feel the sorrow, the bitterness, the saddness, the lonliness, and the hurt they probably feel. You'd be surprised at how much it hurts. You'd be surprised at how much you might have hurt them.
Take a moment to see what if feels like to try so hard to fit in, and then get shutdown. See what it feels like to be hurt over and over again. See what being bashed on and yelled at, and pushed around everyday is. See what it feels like to hear people you thought were your friends talk behind your back, and call you things you'll never forget.
Take a moment to realize the person you just called stupid has dislexia and reads for 2 hours a day to try to be normal.
Take a moment and realize the girl you just called ugly spends hours in front of the mirrior perfecting herself with makeup to look good enough for the world.
Just take one simple moment to realize nobody is what they seem. People smile through the pain. People lie and say their okay.
Don't judge somebody's life story, when you don't even know a page of their book.
Take a moment to notice the pain behind people's smiles. The hurt in their eyes. Their silent cries for help.
Take a moment to compliment someone. And go ahead, smile at someone, you could make their day, and maybe even save their life.
Get to know somebody and their story. You'd be surprised at how willing some people are to share it, they've just been waiting for someone to listen, to ask questions, to care.
So go ahead, take a moment to be somebody's hero.