Dreams

Everybody has an untold story; They just need to find someone who will listen.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

darnit.

That darnit moment when you find yourself falling in love with your bestfriend.


And your heart breaks a little bit because he's perfect in all ways and you know it'd never work out.
I often find myself thinking 'I dont care'


Maybe I should care about my life.
But I just dont.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

feelings.

I don't know what's wrong with me.
i wish i did.
 
 
If you knew me in the seventh grade you probably wanted to smack me.
I was so loud.
and obnoxious.
but I was outgoing.
I got straight A's.
I went to every one of my classes
everyday
I talked to just about anyone.
I smiled everyday.
I laughed at
e v e r y  t h i n g
 
.
 
And here I am.
the tenth grade.
I wear all black to school,
and I don't smile.
I hate going to school,
if i go im late.
I have awfuuuuuuuul grades.
Im screaming on the inside.
I hate talking to people.
because I just feel like an idiot.
 
What happened to the outgoing happy innocent little girl?
 
Society got to her head.
 
and now she hates her self.
 
I've hurt everyone who loves me.
I have pushed everyone away.
Broke their heart.
and broke her own heart.
 
Everyday I get mad at myself.
because I want to be a happy person.
I go a couple days happy, thinking things are looking up.
telling myself to be happy.
But then I realize I'm not.
I want to be happy
but i dont know how.
I dont know what to do.
or anything anymore.
 
ah.
 
 I wish happiness came in a box.
I would order an endless supply.
and open 10 everyday,
and be the happiest person around.
because i like being happy.


But its not that easy.
you can't buy happiness.
you have to find it.
and i dont know where.
because everywhere ive looked
has let me down.

.

 
 


Thursday, November 15, 2012

heartless

It makes me sad to think
how bad one can hurt
from anothers actions.


You never realize
how bad
something you think
won't hurt so bad,
will hurt someone really hard.


I will no longer think of myself.
or my feelings
Because knowing I hurt someone else
hurts a million times more worse
than being hurt by someone.




I miss him.
more than words can even say.
 
but talking to him is out of the question.


Life seems as though it's just a blur.
 
 
Waking up in the mornings seems pointless.
I just want to sleep all the time.
Because it makes everything go away for a while.
 
and to think three months ago, I saw things falling apart.
I knew things were going to crash and burn.
but the saddest part is,
is that I let it.
 
and now,
I'm going to have to work on loving myself,
before I can even think about loving someone else again.
 
 
</3


Monday, October 22, 2012

They say a heartbreak changes people.
and i say their right.
 
 
 
If I could go back to
 
the hundreds of times we drove up and down Provo canyon.
The four wheel rides in the mountains.
Singing to you in your car.
Fighting about nothing.
Decadance runs.
Watching every chick flick ever made.
Talking with your family on Saturday nights.
Hating those late night goodbye's.
Looking over at you to find you were already looking at me.
Being myself. 100%.
Talking for hours and hours and hours.
Going to your family parties.
Eating fast food and sitting on your couch.
Reading goodmorning and goodnight texts.
 
I would.
 
 
 
 
Our ship crashed and burned.
After ten months.
Filled with
Laughter.
Love.
Hope.
Peace.
Happiness.
 
 
If you say heartbreak is ridiculous, stupid and not real;
You obviously have never experienced a true heartbreak.
Because honestly, I'd rather have a broken bone right now,than a broken heart.
 
I'm not the free spirit I used to be.
I am changed.
I can barely stand being social, because that means pretending I'm ok.
Forcing laughter and faking smiles.
I'm really not good at that.
I am going to be a lot more careful.
and I'm going to try to be better.
 
 


Sunday, September 16, 2012

 
It is the best when you realize he isn't just someone you like alot//
he's your bestfriend too.
 
We are just dorks together.
We laugh so hard.
I sing to him.
We go on drives up the canyon.
He tickles me to death.
We go on late night hot chocolate runs.
I go see the things he does for work.
and he watches me play the piano.
We drive for miles and miles and let the music play.
He always lets me plug my ipod on.
I have never once heard a word of complaint from him while I play my music.
from Taylor Swift
to Linkin Park
to Jason Aldean
to Imagine Dragons.
He will listen to it all.
I love it.
Him and my mom talk.
//she loves him//
We star gaze in 53 degree weather.
He laughs at my passenger seat driving.
and I laugh at his laugh.
We smear twinky on eachothers faces.
He never fails to get me home on time.
He listens to me.
He always lets me pick the movie;
he will sit through the notebook and not complain a word.
We go to parks and sit in the shade.
We go horseback riding.
We go camping.
He taught me how to shoot a gun.
He has me read my book, and just looks at me while I do.
//which makes it very hard to concentrate on the story//
He gave me a kitten.
We share secrets, hopes, and dreams.
We sing to Taylor Swift and laugh.
I smile alot now.
He texts me goodmorning and goodnight.
He lets me borrow his hoodies.
We talk for hours and hours.
He opens my car door and buckles me in.
We go on ice cream runs.
Anything I crave he makes sure I have.
He lets me decide what we do.
He sent me roses on valentines day.
We go fourwheeling.
He knows me better than anyone else.
//truly//
He stands up for me in any situation.
He is a true friend who has my back, and won't talk smack behind it.
vice versa.
We go school shopping together.
He waits patiently for me to try on 50 articles of clothing.
He's going to teach me how to drive stick.
He makes me feel beautiful in large T shirts.
We spend all day at car shows
and have gone on many other adventures.
He never fails to make me happy.
I smile everyday because of him.
 
:)
 


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

9/11

September 11, 2012.
 
Today came and I tried not to think hard about what today really was.
I wore a black dress to school, to honor all those who lost their lives.
I treated today just like any other day.
Well I tried to.
 
This day breaks my heart.
I find myself sick to my stomach when I stop and think about it.
It's not something we Americans can comprehend.
even still to this day.
 
I don't understand.
I can't even express how I feel.
I am just so angry.
and confused.
I dont know how a person could do that.
How could this happen to America.
 
...to think somebody had intentions to run into those buildings... and actually kill people... I just don't understand.
I just can't even think too much about it, because then I get angry.
It makes me want to throw up.
That takes a lot of gut.
Alot of hate... to do something like that..
I dont understand how a person could actually bring themself to do such a thing...
 
It just doesn't make sense in my head.
 
 
 
Here is a painting I found online reflecting 9/11.
For art I had to do some research and I just read a couple things about this artist that broke my heart.
He claims that he started a painting of the World Trade Centers
and he had all the red flames and smoke in it.
once he finished this painting, he took a look at it.
and then destroyed it.
He said he couldn't stomach the way it looked.
It made him angry to look at.
So he started another painting, which is the one above.
He made it kind of smeary and smudgy
because he didn't want to remember what the burning down trade centers looked like.
because that's not what we should dwell on.
When we look back on this horrible tragedy that occurred September 11, 2001
we should remember all those who lost their lives.
All those poor children who's daddy didn't come home from work that day...
 
We, as americans, should always treat this day with respect.
and remember all those who lost their lives.
My heart and prayers go out to anyone who was affected by this dreadful day.